I have a million things to do today and I’m not helping myself out by watching Jubilee programmes. I need to pack, teach my dad how to look after the fry so they don’t die while I’m away, wash my clothes, try on said clothes to see what I want to pack, do my nails and then go to a firework display somewhere in Derbyshire. I complain when I have nothing to do and I complain when I have too much to do. 

I’m going to celebrate this whole Jubilee shit like the biggest Royalist in the world and those of you who are constantly complaining about it can quite frankly fuck right off. 

Here’s some advice from me to you. If you’re going to take your damn kid to a pub make sure it stays on the floor and isn’t running around knocking into people, jumping off tables or shutting its damn self into umbrellas. Because guess what, I’m not being sued when your idiot child scatters its skull all over the floor due to your inability to be a parent.